So yeah. I'm writing this on Morwens computer since hers was a lot easier than mine to get out of our stupid Uhal truck....
This move is something else. I adore being back in Cali. Everyone in this town is so incredibly nice and thoughtful here and it really makes me feel like I'm back home!

The bad news... I honestly don't know where to start so when we move to a different hotel and have more time I will make a more writen out journal.
To sum it up, the place we were going to move to, the DAY we got in to Cali, they rented out the apartment that I put money down to hold for Morwen and I.... *sigh* There went $100.... -_-
So as of Saturday last week, we've been living in a hotel. Wonderful... BUT thank god we have shelter right? That's something I'm beyond grateful for. I'm not ready to go to a homeless shelter....

My heart? Oh that? Heh... Right now I'm numb. All my babies have died from the stress of the move. The only ones I have left are Atsuko and our baby we got before we moved; Kumori. I was there for all their deaths. All the suffering they went though, Morwen and I were there and held our babies. Sempai died of old age on our first day of the trip, Souji died of Stress and his breathing problems worsening on the seconded day of travel, Tsubaki passed away after that on the third day from stress, Madara... Madara died of a broken heart. He missed his cagemates Sempai and Souji. His death was so god damn peaceful. Fuyu died only a few hours after Madara from stress, Squeeky died from stress just a few nights ago along with a baby we got to be a cage mate for Madara but Madara had passed away about an hour after we got him.
So, so far we have lost 7 rats...
Souji and Fuyu were the hardest for me to lose. Morwen sat up with Souji as he gasped for air as I fell asleep on her lap with my hand around her and him. I tried to stay awake but I was so tired from driving that stupid truck that I couldn't keep my eyes open for my Souji. I hope he knew I tried so fucking hard to stay awake for him. As I was fighting to keep myself awake... I knew that when I got up... he woulden't be here anymore... and I was right. He looked so peaceful though, his eyes were so happy and he was snuggled up.


Fuyu spend a good 6 hours on my or Morwens shoulders as she was so frightened from gasping for air from being overly stressed and already had breathing problems that I know didn't help her at all... same with my Souji.
I remember driving the truck in to the Gas Station when we first got in to Cali to fill it and Morwen looking over at me, her eyes sad and she said "I think shes gone..." I honestly didn't mean to but I yelled at her "Give me my baby!!!!" and took her in to my arms and sobbed for a good half hour.
This trip is killing me....


We buried all our babies at my Grandmas so I'll be able to visit them. That's some type of closure right?

Anyway... Life sucks so much right now. I will write more another night when I have time.... and uploading videos to my Youtube of the good parts of the trip.

Love you guys that still watch me and my lameness!!